Wednesday, September 2, 2009

So You Think You Can Ice Cream?

Pete once thought that the world was crazy, everyone was sad and chasing happiness and love and Pete was the only one above it--but then, Pete discovered his two loves: the art of dance and ice cream. After repeated failed auditions to become a contestant on So You Think You Can Dance?, Pete decided to focus on ice cream so he began So You Think You Can Ice Cream? Pete has licked and dripped his way through the summer. Eating ice cream from the Poconos to Paris--sometimes as many as three full cones in a day; sometimes sampling as many as ten in a day--but he has limited the competition to ice creams found in NYC. Also, only the best of a flavor will advance, so while Pete loved both the Strawberry Sweetart and the Strawberry Chocolate Chip from Blue Marble--his favorite ice cream spot overall--only one will move on. Pete also has excluded ice creams that get the majority of their goodness from mix-ins, so the delicious Carrot Cake from Bar Breton will not move on either. Pete also believes the ice cream must exist in the real world so, sadly, Pete's favorite Peanut Butter Banana from Blue Marble has been disqualified as well because Pete found out, sadly, that they are no longer making it due to allergy-contamination concerns. Fucking nuts. Pete now considers PBB the Holy Grail of ice cream. This woman from the Times who took on a similar pursuit as Pete believes she found the Holy Grail of ice cream in the Salted Caramel Pretzel at General Greene, but Pete thinks that finding the Holy Grail is an oxymoronic pursuit--the point of the Holy Grail is that, like true love, it is unattainable. The other thing Pete takes from this article is that there are so many flavors it is impossible to taste them all, and that the point to declaring anything the best is so that you can argue about it with other people who think something else is the best. Pete will declare his favorites shortly and then ask a few followers to join him on a journey into the center of the cone: Taste them all in a single day and declare the ultimate winner.

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